Have you ever loved a woman
by Gaby Black
Summary: Oneshot. Snape arrives univited at Lily and James's wedding, only wishing to talk with Lily one last time.


**Disclaimer: **I own nothing, JK Rowling does.

**Author's note: **The few lyrics are from a fabulous blues song by Eric Clapton, called "Have you ever loved a woman?", hence the title.

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It was Lily and James's wedding day. Of course, Snape had not been invited. He knew he had to leave Lily alone; he had come to tell her that. He had cast a spell on himself so that he would not be seen. He stood in silence, watching the party that was taking place in the garden of Lily and James's house. There were about thirty people, almost all of them from the Order of the Phoenix, eating and laughing and dancing to Muggle and wizards' songs alike.

Snape decided to send Lily a message saying, "Please come meet me by the river, I want to say good-bye."

A Muggle singer was singing: "Have you ever loved a woman so much you tremble in pain? And all the time you know she bears another man's name." Snape had always appreciated irony.

To produce his Patronus, Snape thought of the happiest day of his life: the day when, many years ago, Lily had hugged him. They were twelve at the time, and Lily had hugged him goodbye at King's Cross before leaving with her parents. This friendly embrace Lily had given him was the only moment in his life when he had been truly happy, when he had wanted time to stop to be able to stay longer in her arms.

As Snape watched the silver doe float towards Lily, he could no longer hear the music or the people talking and laughing. Lily and James watched in surprise as the doe delivered its message. Lily looked around for Snape, who couldn't quite decipher her expression. With a jolt of satisfaction he saw Lily say a few words to James. She would come.

"But you just love that woman so much it's a shame and a sin," whined the singer.

He would speak to her again. He had dreaded that moment, the moment when he would have to say good-bye to her. He knew she didn't want to see him again, not after she'd married his best enemy.

Lily Disapparated, leaving her husband to frown after her. Snape smiled slightly; she remembered. She knew what he'd meant by "the river". It was the river in the small forest close to where they used to live. It was the river by which he had told her everything he knew about Hogwarts and magic and she had listened to him eagerly; it was the place where they had become friends. It was the place where he had fallen in love with her. Snape Disapparated too and sighed as he looked around the thicket of trees. There she was, leaning against the tree, an odd sight indeed with her wedding dress. She looked, of course, magnificent and, he had to admit, positively glowing with happiness.

"Lily," Snape called softly.

Lily turned to him and blinked a few times before saying quietly, "Severus."

Snape liked it when she said his name. He had missed her so much, having not talked to her in two years, since they had left Hogwarts. There was a war now, and they were on different sides. He hoped that she knew he would never let anyone hurt her.

"I just wanted to say good-bye," Snape said.

Snape found, surprised, that he sounded like he was apologizing; unconsciously, was he regretting that he was troubling her peace, that he was bothering her on her wedding day? Still, it was worth it.

Lily smiled a little sadly. "As you see, I have come. It is the last time, Severus."

"I know," Snape replied bitterly.

For a while they just stared at each other in silence. Snape stood where he had Apparated, feet away from her. He did not want to scare her.

"Congratulations, by the way," Snape suddenly said.

Lily frowned. "Congratulations?"

"On your marriage," Snape explained darkly.

"Oh yes," Lily blushed slightly. "Thank you."

Lily looked troubled as she turned her head to gaze at the river below. She knew. He had not wanted her to know how he felt.

"Don't feel guilty," Snape said slowly. "I want you to be happy. I perfectly know I cannot make you happy."

"Oh, Severus," Lily whispered, her eyes filled with tears. "I'm sorry –"

"Don't," Snape interrupted her harshly. "Don't say that."

Snape watched as she wiped away her tears and took a deep breath.

"I want to keep a good memory of you," Snape said. "Please smile."

The green eyes that he loved so much looked up at him and, with a great effort, Lily smiled. He stared at her, his face whiter than ever. He took a few steps towards her.

"I will leave you alone, Lily," Snape promised.

"I know you will," Lily nodded, and there was no hint of emotion in her voice now.

"I want you to be happy," Snape repeated, his voice as steely as hers.

It pained him to think that she would be happy with James Potter, but his love for her was beyond petty jealousy. He had one heard that loving someone was also loving that someone's happiness.

"I will be."

That was Lily's promise to him. And, as he looked into her eyes, Snape knew that she would keep it.

"Goodbye, Lily."

Snape Disapparated before she could see the tears in his eyes, before she could say anything. Lily smiled sadly again, still staring at the spot from which he had vanished, aware of the sacrifice Snape had just made for her and feeling that she was the only one who knew the true Severus Snape.

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